Real Estate, Secret Shopper, Loan Signing Agent, Touro, Uber, Lyft, Book Narration, Walmart Greeter, Dog Walker, Military Contractor – I studied all of them. To me the beauty of these jobs was that it wasn’t tied to the confines of a cubicle from 9-5 and getting a set salary regardless of how much work you put in. It was being your own boss to a certain degree and getting paid equivalent to the amount of work you did. Were they glamorous gigs? Not always, but you had control of your time, you controlled how much you made and you were more or less your own boss. You had freedom to a certain degree. But could I make a living off this?
I crunched numbers, I talked to people in these industries and then I did more math. I know what my current paycheck is every month, I know what my current lifestyle costs every month and every subscription, yearly bill and investment. It was a good place to be and it was empowering.
Next step was to estimate what my military retirement paycheck would look like when I was done (as of this writing 50% of my base pay after 20 years), disability and then updated costs for life insurance, healthcare, dental and vision coverage. Next thing I would need to account for are state taxes and federal taxes on my pension.
The gap between what I was currently making on Active Duty versus what I would be making as a military retiree wasn’t as cut and dry. I was annotating my medical issues and hoping to get a high VA Rating, but all we could do at this point was wait to see what the VA would grant me. It was all just a waiting game at this point. Regardless, I had some rough numbers to estimate with in order to prepare for my separation.
Assuming I didn’t get disability, the gap between my current paycheck and my retiree paycheck was about $4000 in order to maintain the same lifestyle we were living. I could cover the major expenses for the family including the mortgage, utilities, and groceries with the help of my wife’s income – but that was about it. If worse came to worse, I knew we would have a roof over our head, electricity and food covered.
Now, it was up to me to fill that gap doing something. Now comes the real question – what do I do? The traditional mindset is to find a comfortable 9-5 job, work my 40 hours a week, get a steady paycheck that would hopefully pay about $4K a month / $48K a year, save, invest and retire at 65. I’d be happy. Now it was just a matter of finding a job that I didn’t mind doing.
Now that the math is done and I know my target salary to maintain my current lifestyle, it should be easy right? WRONG. So much more comes into play. The Army teaches you to work hard, suck it up and put your feelings last. As a leader, you sacrifice for your Soldiers, you lead and you give. You embrace the suck. Well guess what – I’m done embracing the suck. I’m done putting my needs and wants last, I’m done prioritizing everyone else’s needs before my own. FUCK THAT.
Many argued with me that as a parent, that’s what you did. You sacrificed for your family and you sucked it up. If the only jobs available were to shovel shit, then you shovel shit. All of which I agreed with. But, my mindset was different now. I talked with real entrepreneurs, I knew everyone was capable of more. I saw that it was entirely possible to do more and have a better lifestyle while doing it.
I argued – “Yes, I agree with all of that. But why do we have to immediately accept sucking for a living? This isn’t the depression of the 1920’s. There are jobs available, and if you didn’t like the jobs available, you could create your own job or start your own business working on your schedule doing something you have a passion for.”
That’s when everyone declared me as crazy – “Start your own business? Are you crazy? That’s risky! Do you even have a business degree? Have you ever run a business? My friend ran a business, failed and declared bankruptcy in under a year. What if you don’t make it? What if your idea doesn’t work? What if you lose it all? You should do that later when you’re fully retired. That’s too much work. Just settle for an easy 9-5 military contracting job or a GS Employee gig at the gym and you’ll be fine”.
I heard it all. As a matter of fact, not too long ago I was telling myself the same things. I talked myself out of it for damn near a year. Hell, I was still suffering from Imposter Syndrome. In their defense they were right to a degree. These friends of mine were 20+ year military guys who knew nothing outside of the government sector. My civilian friends were no different. Many had worked in their particular careers for years and were comfortable. That’s the key word – COMFORTABLE.
So my next question to them was the very one I had asked myself not too long ago, “If money were no object, and you didn’t have to do what you’re doing now for money, what exactly would you be doing?” Immediately, some would blurt out their passions or things they loved to do.
Others never thought about it because they were always taught that their jobs were their lives. I pressed harder – “Are you ultimately happy doing what you’re doing now? Does your particular job make you feel energized in the morning and fulfilled at the end of the day? Do you see yourself doing this another 20 years?”
For some, they truly did feel energized with what they were doing and were genuinely happy – but they were the minority. Others, I could tell weren’t happy and knew it, but talked themselves out of those thoughts and said something along the lines of, “It pays the bills, it helps me take care of my family, which is why I do this – and that keeps me fulfilled.”
Fair enough. I pressed harder, “That’s very honorable of you. But let’s put that aside for now. Assuming you didn’t have to do this for your family – Does this make you happy?”
That’s where it sunk in. The responses were varied. Some of my friends admitted that they felt trapped and had no choice but to continue their jobs because they had to support their lifestyle. They had no time to think of other jobs or opportunities because they spent all their time at work. If an opportunity arose that would make them happier but required a pay cut for a short amount of time, they couldn’t take the opportunity because of their bills.
For those friends who immediately knew what their passions were, it was different. They had a twinkle in their eye, they had hope, they had balance because it was those passions that made them feel alive outside of their work. Some had a passion for doing makeup, others enjoyed working with wood to deal with PTSD, another enjoyed Jiu Jitsu and another was simply a foodie who enjoyed writing Yelp reviews.
I continued, “So its fair to say that you do what you do for a living for the sake of your family right? Whether you have passions outside of your job or not, ultimately, its for them?”
Most would typically agree and nod. Others took it a step further and said that their purpose for work was along the lines of teaching life lessons to their kids. “I do it to teach my kids the value of hard work and sacrifice. My kids need to understand that sometimes we have to do things we don’t necessarily want to do because we have to. On top of that, they see through my example that grinding and doing the work pays off to give them the things they have. It may not make me millions of dollars, but in the end, we have a comfortable life.”
True. But there’s that damn word again. COMFORTABLE. Comfort is a slow death. Now its time to get UNCOMFORTABLE. So for those friends who had passions outside of work, I replied, “Since you have this cool hobby that you do outside of your work, why aren’t you doing it for a living?”
They responses were always somewhere along the lines of facing the reality of life’s circumstances, “Dude, those are just hobbies – those aren’t viable businesses that can make the money I’m making at my job. Even if I wanted to pursue those things, I would end up taking an extreme pay cut and living in poverty before I could even make a decent living. That’s irresponsible, and frankly crazy. I have a family to support, I have mouths to feed and a mortgage and car payments. I can’t afford to do that. It’d be selfish of me.”
I responded along the lines of, “So why don’t you start now? You love it right? You love your hobbies, its your stress relief and it brings you joy right? It doesn’t feel like work and its something you already do outside of your regular job right? So why don’t you just do it on the side? You’re already doing it! Why not get paid doing what you love? You talk about setting examples for your kids and working hard. Wouldn’t it be a better example to your kids to show them how you can creatively take a passion you have, turn it into a business to support your family and live the life you were MEANT to live, versus living the life you HAVE to live?”
So many people preach about setting an example for their kids, yet come home night after night to drink beer, veg out in front of the TV or surf the internet on your phone while venting about their jobs. If anything, I feel like this would teach children exactly what NOT to do. I know this, I’ve been there.
It would always get awkward after that. What started off as a genuine conversation would sometimes turn argumentative. One friend in particular took it as an attack, whereas I took it as trying to open their eyes to other possibilities. After all, I just wanted to see them happy and I knew they clearly weren’t. I wanted to see them thriving, not just surviving for the sake of that dollar. That’s a miserable way to live. Unhappy, unfulfilled, forced to do what you had to do versus what you want to do.
After sucking for 20+ years in the Army, and having it take from me until it couldn’t take anymore – I felt like a battered spouse. I continued to give in hopes that it would get better. It would improve for a little bit and give me hope, but then the cycle would start again. It became toxic, and I continued simply to make retirement. Once I hit 20, it was about pride. I knew I was better and I continued to chase to that next level – but I wasn’t happy. My family wasn’t happy.
I was better than this. The Army had pushed me to live to what I believed was my highest potential. I led hundreds of Soldiers in my time, I managed millions of dollars of equipment around the world, worked in Embassies and amongst foreign governments and militaries. I was in combat and traveled to the most exotic and dangerous places. I was capable of so much. But the best wasn’t behind me. I was just getting started.
I didn’t want to work for the man anymore, I wanted to be the man. Wait a minute – I already AM the man.
Do you have a passion? If you don’t know what that is, that’s okay. What’s not okay is sitting there and not trying your damnest to find what that is. Maybe a passion is the wrong word. Maybe its a calling. Whatever it is – find it, experiment, and reflect on it. Does it make you happy? Good, do more of it and share it with the world. That energy will come back to you. Discover more of who you are. You are more than your job, you are more than just a cog in the wheel. We were all meant to do so much more.