As I slowly started transitioning from the Army to focusing on my transition to retirement, things got weird. For you military folks getting ready to move into this realm, let me tell you – its just weird. You’re used to being on the go, having to move from checking your email, banging out a power point, giving a brief, going to the range, doing PT and training with your Soldiers all before the end of the day. In order to squeeze in all of that, you’ve got to be on a schedule and a routine.
Well, when you start transitioning, that routine slowly becomes non-existent. It’s also weird because you basically have one foot in the door and one foot out the door. You may still have a few responsibilities at work, but you should start passing them off or finishing them up in order to focus on what’s really important – YOU. At first I woke up each morning and sent my accountability text to the group chat at work to let everyone know I was alive. Then, it was completely up to me what I did next. I typically had some transition class, webinar, doctor’s appointments or meeting I had to attend throughout the week. The classes or webinars gave me a place to be, but they weren’t everyday, so I found myself alone with more free time than I knew what to do with.
One of the funny things about the military culture is when you’re alone, you’re probably going to get in trouble. The Army is a Team Sport, there’s always something to do and you are RARELY alone. If you are, you’re probably not where you are supposed to be and it brings about a sense of panic. I remember once as a young Lieutenant having to go to sick call for some injury. I remember looking at the schedule for the day and saw that we had weapons cleaning in the morning at the barracks. I knew that as soon as I was done with sick call, I would go to the barracks and join everyone to do what we had to do. Here’s the problem though – I read the schedule for the wrong day. We were supposed to be at the range. This is before the age of cellphones and immediate connectivity, so things were different. Remember free, unlimited calls from 7pm-7am with a limited amount of text messaging? Yeah, yeah – I’m old.
I got done with sick call and head back expecting to get to the barracks, smoking and joking with everyone, cleaning weapons and talking shit while helping each other out. I get to the barracks and no one is there. Like I said, whenever you’re alone in the Army – it’s typically not a good sign. Immediate panic. I’m running around looking for everyone and no one is there. I’m not with my unit, so everyone must think I’m fucking off. I run up and downstairs and then run to the barracks next door. The whole damn company is gone. Long story short – I got my shit together, re-read the schedule and got to the range in a reasonable amount of time. Weapons cleaning was the next day. Sorry, had to digress with a lame war story, but you get the point.
Anyhoo…what were we talking about? Routines. Yes. When you get periods of free time, you don’t exactly know what to do with yourself. I don’t have to really be anywhere because I’m doing “transition stuff”. (I said that out loud using air quotes by the way). If you’re like me and see things as black or white and do things to an extreme – the lack of structure and routine can make or break you. I felt like a lion uncaged at a bar and just sat there not knowing what to do with myself. Sometimes I sat waiting for someone at work to text or call telling me to get back to the office. Hell, I felt guilty sometimes and just showed up to get on my computer because I didn’t know what to do at home.
Maybe I’ll go to the gym? This was during COVID, so there was no going to the gym. Maybe I’ll read a book? Before I knew it, hours had passed and I hadn’t done anything else. Maybe I’ll play video games? I tend to have kind of an addictive personality, so I would go all in on whatever I was focused on. Video games could be taken to an extreme. Now, mind you – I’m not much of a video game person at all. I didn’t typically watch TV except for the news and sports and video games were a luxury if I made time to play. But without a sense of routine, I sometimes found myself sitting in my filth after 6 hours of gaming and drinking.
Take my advice, don’t do this. Not to say that reading a book, playing video games or going to the gym for hours is bad – do that shit. You’ve earned the right to decompress a little bit, just don’t sit there for days on end without showering. Your transition schedule can be what you make it to be and it can be as busy or as chill as you want. In the end, no one is really checking up on you.
Set goals for what you’re trying to accomplish and set a routine. Maybe you don’t have to be anywhere that day and you can sit in your sweats and watch a webinar or take an online class from home. Go through the routine of getting up, taking a shower and getting dressed anyway. Wanna read a book? Set time to do it and a time to move on to your next thing. There is comfort in routines. When the structure of the Army slowly fades away, some of us get lost without it, so creating your routine is important. The best thing about it? You can make it your own.
What I’ve learned is that there is comfort in routines, and that with the lack of structure – you need even MORE discipline to stay on track. With the military, there is structure for a reason, and if you don’t follow the structure and routine, you’ll probably hear about it in a negative way. So it’s that fear that drives you to be where you need to be, in the proper uniform, doing what everyone else is doing whether you like it or not. But what happens when there’s no one to yell at you and no pressure to be where you need to be? It’s a good feeling of freedom, but it’s also the devil in disguise.
Everyone has the “Boss” voice and the “Little Bitch” voice inside them. When there’s no one except yourself holding you accountable to your routine or to the things you need to do – it’s these two voices that start to fight in your head. The life that you build is going to be dependent on which voice you listen to more. So, remember that. Set a routine that’s reasonable to you, set goals and build the discipline you’ve built after years in the military and get after it. Remember, there’s no one looking over your shoulder to hold you accountable except you.
My routine typically starts the same regardless of what time I go to sleep. I’m a night owl, so I sometimes find myself engulfed in work until 0200 or 0300 when it’s quiet. Regardless, my routine remains the same. It starts with me getting up, and reading 10 pages of a book to warm up my brain. Then I go to the bathroom to brush my teeth and visualize my goals. Afterwards, I go to the kitchen to make mushroom coffee or matcha and sit down in a quiet place to spend about 30-45 minutes journaling and setting my critical task list for the day. Once that’s done, I get ready for the gym, listen to podcasts while working out and come home to check email go to appointments and get to work. This routine grounds me and sets the tone for my day. I’m not perfect, but I try. I try not to pick up my phone first thing in the morning, because social media and email almost always ends up sucking my time.
Even if the rest of your day is chaos – set a routine that sets you up for success. In an unstructured environment, there’s comfort in our routines. What’s yours?