Shifting the focus away from everyone else, or tasks to be accomplished is HARD. The culture of the military is always one of serving and taking care of your Soldiers. If you started to shift the focus on you above all else, you were seen as selfish, self serving, egotistical or only out for yourself – All negative things. One of my greatest Team Sergeants and close friends sat me down when I was going through a stressful time in command and taught me about the 3M’s of leadership. Mission, Men/women and Me. Whenever he was tasked with a mission, he would prioritize what to do next based off the order of that rubric. He prioritized getting the job done first, then how it would affect his Soldiers next and then consider his own feelings about the situation LAST. This was the way you led in the military and it developed some of the greatest leaders we’ve ever known, but it also puts your own needs last. The military wasn’t just a job, it was a lifestyle for me.
After 20+ years of this, I became the typical Officer. Always concerned about the mission, always concerned about the troops. Always talking about those two things and then taking what was leftover to my family and hopefully myself. But along the way, I forgot who I was. I forgot what it was like to not be mission focused all the time, to imagine, to think and be carefree. Hell, I forgot what made me happy. Somehow I forgot, and now here I was trying to talk confidently about myself in job interviews or on a resume and I freaking couldn’t. It felt wrong, it felt weird to brag, it felt SELFISH. Army life was this eternal life of work and suffering. I would talk myself into being happy about sleeping in the mud instead of sleeping in the rocks. If you just quit complaining, embraced the suck and worked hard – the Army wasn’t a bad place.
During my time with The Honor Foundation (THF), I struggled with this. I took personality and strength tests and sat down for weeks to process it and see whether or not it resonated. I had a life coach sit with me throughout the process to help me go over everything and that was just awkward in and of itself. I kept trying to move forward looking towards a job, but THF made sure I pumped the brakes and kept the focus on me first.
One evening, I was at Target with my wife and saw a reference book on sale for the Gallup Strengths Test. I had already taken the assessment with THF, but for whatever reason it wasn’t resonating. Maybe it was because I treated it like a homework assignment at the time and I rushed through it last minute before it was due. Anyway, the book was on sale and if you purchased it, you could take the Clifton’ Strength Test for free. I thought, “What the hell? It wouldn’t hurt. This time, I could take my time and truly do it. Plus its good to have the book for reference.” I went home that evening, locked myself in the basement with no distractions and took the time to truly do the work. The results hit me like a ton of bricks.
My top 5 strengths are: Analytical, Harmony, Activator, Focus and Achiever. As I read through the results, it made sense. I looked back in time over my career and my past and reflected on those moments when I was effortlessly performing my best or when I was happiest. I thought about my thought process when solving problems and all simply clicked! I naturally solved problems in this manner and I naturally excelled leading groups of people when I could tackle problems in this manner. I did it all the time naturally but it wasn’t until I was 40+ years old when I first put this all together. I was on this high I couldn’t explain and didn’t sleep for 3 days obsessing over it.
I continued to reflect on my past and I analyzed how I problem solved and realized how effortless it was for me when I could work this way. It also made sense why I was drawn to certain hobbies, interests and career fields. I was excited, I was energized, I was enlightened!
I looked at the world differently, I approached mock interviews differently. I now knew the things that set me apart from other people. I knew what strengths I had that I could bring to a company. Instead of just settling for a job based off money, I was searching for jobs that would foster my strengths instead of looking for jobs I had already done or paid a certain amount. I wanted to thoroughly enjoy what I did and be good at it. This was huge. This was a game changer. I was focused and I wouldn’t settle. The mindset of suffering, hard work and embracing the suck to make money was no longer my way of living life. I wanted to be happy doing whatever I was doing, I wanted my time back, I wanted to thrive and live to my highest potential. Above all, I wanted to share this feeling with others.
I looked around and wanted to tell everyone how I felt and I wanted to share my experience. It was contagious. But the closer I looked around, the more I realized how sad people were. People weren’t living the life they wanted to live, they were living the life they HAD to live and that life was ruled by money. If you didn’t have control of it, you just worked harder to make more and stay ahead of it. It put you in this never-ending hamster wheel of work. I knew I didn’t want this.
I was on this string of highs. Learning about real estate and fixing my situation, learning about money and fast tracking my wealth, discovering entrepreneurism and discovering what how passion could lead to business, learning about mindset and how it affected everything I did, and now here I was re-discovering a friend I hadn’t seen in years – MYSELF.
What are YOUR strengths? Do you know? Not just the shit that everyone tells you. What makes you tick? When do you perform your best? Do you know WHY? Take the Gallup Strengths Test. Hell, take any personality test and just sit in it and reflect. Does it resonate? Maybe you’ll learn something new. Maybe you’ll learn something about yourself that’s always been there but never noticed. There is no better thing to invest in than yourself. With everything that you have going on, make sure to take time for you. I know what you’re probably thinking, “But I don’t have time!” You’re right. None of us do. MAKE TIME.